I’ve had a few of you ask, and I’m feeling
many more of you thinking it, “What made your husband so special, and what did
he do to make you feel so loved?”
Although the answers to these questions go far beyond what I’m
communicating here, I want to at least start sharing some aspects about his
love for me.
You see, Jeff was different because he truly
grasped that our marriage was a union birthed in the Spirit, and with that came
a certain ease to reflect Love and many of its dimensions. With that said (and he would remind me often
of that truth), he was committed to having our union more specifically reflect
the trinity. He was committed to being
submitted one-to-another, and believing that woman is not subservient to man
according to God’s design and promise...they have mutuality. He trusted me, which opened his heart to
receiving loving challenges that only molded him into deeper godliness. He thought of me before he would think of
himself. He met my needs before he would
meet his own needs. He disciplined
himself to be interested in the things that interested me.
This would play out in big and little
ways. In the many hours I’ve devoted to
reflecting on our love, I’ve realized it was a culmination of it all that made
me feel like the most lavishly loved woman in this world. It wasn’t just the big things…it wasn’t just
the small things. It was all of it.
The big things:
Jeff was so confident in who he was as a man
of God that he was able to free his mind from public ridicule or disapproval in
his decision making process. He gave up
his world as he knew it to join mine.
What man does that? Jeff
Harter. A man who is more committed to
what God thinks than what man thinks.
He embraced the idea of adopting our daughter
without me even needing to ask him.
Again, it wasn’t something he ever saw himself doing, but he learned
that’s what love does – it yearns to satisfy needs.
He became more excited than me in wanting to
have a baby. Again, what man after age
50 even considers that? Jeff
Harter. I witnessed this man’s heart
being grafted into mine. I saw him cry
for the things that hurt me, laugh at the things that made my face full with a
smile, tender towards my passions, and angry at the things that brought distress
to me.
The small things:
The day-in day-out things were never
ending. Jeff contended to see to it that
every day he would romance me, and make me feel like his “queen.” I must admit, in the 3 years we were
together, he succeeded in this, and had we been together 50 more years, I know
without a doubt this would still be true.
Jeff ingrained in me that a decision + determination and dedication will
result in success. He would say that I
ingrained that in him. You see, it’s a
beautiful thing when 2 people truly become 1.
Jeff strived for that every day of our lives together. I see so many
married couples who are supposed to be 1 but are the farthest thing from
it. Jeff would remind me of that truth
often. He would say things like, “You’re
my very own person, and I’m your very own person! This is the best feeling ever.” Jeff taught me that repetition, albeit with
words or actions, really makes it sink in and become so ingrained in one’s
self. Every day I got to hear one, some,
or all of the following: you’re my Queen, we are one, what may I do for you, my
Queen?, our love is eternal, you’re a cloud walker, you’re so beautiful, you’re
so intelligent, you’re so amazing…and this list goes on and on. I’ve erased from here many of the things he
would remind me of daily because it’s just too much. But it’s true. He would tell me these things daily. I think I got to humanly get glimpses of how
God sees me. Jeff did a remarkable job
of doing that.
He would make be breakfast or lunch or dinner
just to make me feel taken care of.
As I would drive up the driveway after being
out all day he would light all the candles and make me feel so welcomed
home.
He would whisk me in his arms and twirl me
about the room while singing a Frank Sinatra or Louie Armstrong song.
He would pick me a flower and say something
special while handing it to me.
He would tell me I make him the happiest man
in the world.
He would tell me, “I love my life. Thank you.”
He would say, “Tell me what you want, my
Queen, and I’ll make it happen.”
When we would go out for dessert or a meal,
he would order whatever I ordered just so he could understand me more. Three years, and he didn’t stop doing
that.
If we weren’t next to each other, he would
come looking for me about every 15 minutes just to tell me “I love you” and to
give a hug or delight a kiss.
These things weren’t what happened every
now-and-again. They happened daily.
In the time our lives were together, this man
mastered the art of loving. I say he
mastered it because he made it look so effortless. I know it was anything but effortless, and
that’s why he mastered it. He has left
me with a deep deep deep understanding of love.
He used to always tell me, “I love you more than my next breath.” Now I’m left missing him more than my next
breath. I ache for what we shared…it
hurts so deeply I don’t know how to go on, but then I’m reminded that love never gives up, never loses faith, is
always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. So here I remain…trying my best to get
back up on those clouds where he always said I belong.
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